his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
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congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
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BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Your penis caused this!
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