Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
