I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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