I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
