Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
