You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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