I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize