My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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