K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
