Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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