apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
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