U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I hate all girls vehemently.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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