??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
