i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
