WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
