I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
