summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Someone came in the potted fern
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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