DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
