you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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