I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
