TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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