They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Still dying that you shit outside
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
