Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
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I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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