69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
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I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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