I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
