god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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