Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
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I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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