Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
