So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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