It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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