She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
