he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
