I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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