I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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