Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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