I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
