He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
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then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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