that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
