So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
