When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
