somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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