I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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