Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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