Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
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We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
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I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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