so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
