Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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