i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I need water and some morals
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize