worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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