i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
