You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
