shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think my moral compass just broke
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
