I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
