totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
