Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
