while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
