I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
