At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
