Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
