Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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