he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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