i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
