my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
