i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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