i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize